Tuesday, September 27, 2011

FOOTSTEPS INTO SOLITUDE- THE DIARY OF AN ARMY WIFE

“Your lost friends are not dead, but gone before, advanced a stage or two upon that road which you must travel in the steps they trod.” – As I read this quote written by a famous Greek author, I laugh to myself…friends? I befriend myself. I befriend the one I love. It stops there. My journey a pathway to the unknown, discovering the spaces I abide in. Seeing myself in someone else…lost.. alone...in the distance. I’m content, the lost sense keeps me risen and whole..Makes me feel like I’m rising above the rest. I now experience the world as I once saw it. Bright and colourful…alone and lost…two ends of the spectrum…the opposing poles. Connecting me to the despair seen in the eyes of a young one…and the hope of achieving, lingering in his conflicting world. I explore..I enter my past...I look back into time...see the traits of others, their talents…their worth. I travel once again…a journey which seems to have no destination. I see illusions of a chariot…bringing me to the one I love. A long road lies between me and him…but I am determined to conquer. Determined to achieve that solitude I attain, when seeing our shadows embedded in earth’s concrete space. The picture changes… reality hits…he doesn’t need me…I pull away. Suddenly feeling lost doesn’t give me the high I once achieved. My heart reflects my inner soul, maimed...Trodden upon…washed out. The light at the end of the tunnel..far fetched while I lie in the mere shadows of a broken life. It strikes…I visit the place I had once undertaken the journey to. I see the broken world at my feet…the feet of others who once saw their life fading….and the remnants of what they did. I follow, this, the only answer to my numerous questions. The sun setting upon my travel…my destination approaching closer. I transcend…I see my inner self merging with my hazed surroundings, life pulling away… solitude setting in. I’m put out of my darkness…the light calls me above. The answer was whole all along- transcendence...into pure paradise.

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