1st Aug 2011
Here I am again, following my usual routine and fitting you religiously into my slow retired life. Went to Alana’s place today for lunch and met the grandchildren. Usually being a Grandmother would make one proud, of course I’m not denying the fact that they do bring out that sparkle in my eye, but looking at Tiana following my footsteps as a journalist makes me want my old life back. She was talking about her hectic hours and busy lifestyle, being a “super hero” to the public she says! Times of India has changed tremendously since I was their top journalist, looks like my modesty hasn’t improved over the years!.Tiana was writing an article about how Sushmita Sen has lost her stardom touch as she is ‘old’,I wonder what that would make me!. No attention to spellings and grammar like the way we were thrashed If we even had a typo error, and now you have spell check to do your work for you.The ideas yours, the execution- spell check!, impressive, but somehow typing on our typewriters made it more personal for me, good or bad, it was my work. Tiana calls me old fashioned...but what’s so old fashioned about knowing your grammar?
3rd Aug 2011
Sitting and sipping a cup of my favourite rejuvenator...coffee. Was cleaning out my old drawers today and found the articles that I had written during Indira Gandhi’s time of Emergency. Transparency and complete freedom of the press was one thing we never had the privilege of enjoying then. Spent my time in jail for 3 days due to Indira’s ‘go to jail if you write against me’ policy. It’s so ironic how at the time that I needed to record these details in a diary, the only time I had for myself was when I was asleep, and even that was not more than 6 hours. Now I sit with nothing but time on my hands. Wonder what it would be like if I were to apply for a job again, haha, don’t think my experience would be a criteria for acceptance anymore! Let’s face it, to them, I’m not young, I don’t follow the lingo of the youth, I’m old little Grandmom, great at what she did...once upon a time. Doorbell rang, guess its Nikita who’s come to give me company. Later for now, think it’s going to be a day of reminiscing the good all times!.
5th Aug 2011
Hello, back home from Tiana’s birthday lunch, gave her a locket which I wore when I was young. She is quite my clone, loves her accessories, particular of her appearance, loves the smell of books and wet mud, and most importantly, writing makes her who she is. Missed Jacob alot today, he always made me feel young and gentle. Tomorrow will be a month since he left us, Tiana misses him, I could see it in her eyes. Going to bed, will dream of being Times of India’s editor, hope my dream will come true at least in my dream…
6th Aug 2011
Pensive mood this morning, in the state of writing in a deep thoughtful manner. Being a journalist never allowed you to write in a dreamy manner, for that you needed to be an author! Forget I was a journalist; let’s bring out the author in me! :
It’s arduous task which tests my every action and thought, pushing me over the line I have drawn with an eternal promise. But I still hold on because I am the strength that keeps the wind from stopping. I have my occasional burning thoughts deepening as time continuous to stand as a stagnant lake with no ripples. I still stride...as every day passes...as the moments lessen...as hope remains a far off prospect. The sunlight seems like a meek light making its way through a dark cloud. I fight...fight from losing myself. Just me…myself and I…and soon that’s all that’s going to be left.
8th Aug 2011
Was at VT today, passed the Times of India office, thought of going inside, would it be too painful? I dint linger around long enough to find out. Going to Zahra’s place to watch old movies and analyse them! My namesake always makes me feel intellectually efficient again! She just got a baby grandson, adorable hazel eyes! Will see him in person today, the photos do not give me enough of an opportunity to squeeze him tightly and feel his soft skin!. Your pages are ending, looks like I will have to add new ones and bind you once again, not ready to let you go just yet! Handmade paper seems like a good option for your additional pages, wish newspapers were printed out on hand made paper, it’s just so pretty! Leaving now, will be late as usual, being on time, something which my job still couldn’t manage to imbibe in me, but something Zahra never lets me forget! There, she’s calling, how do you answer this dam mobile phone? Bye.